Why perfect pitch sucks

And a hello to everyone who reads my blog! So nobody, basically.

I don't use this thing ever, but I was just writing a song and became pissed. You know why? Because having perfect pitch once again screwed me up.

Now, I bet some of you are like "what's perfect pitch?", and others of you are like "screw you, I'd die to have perfect pitch", and some of you who think that I am bragging/being a conceited douche for "proclaiming my perfect pitch, thus giving me an air of superiority to those without it" (that's a paraphrase of something that was said to me on Formspring. So, to whoever anonymously said that to me, I just made you look like an extreme asshole. Karma sucks, doesn't it?). Anyway, I will address what I just mentioned, and expand on the above comment.

Anyways, what perfect pitch is, is this ability to produce any note at any given time, without a reference point. So, basically, this entails (but is not limited to):

Listening to cover bands do songs and tell friends that they're not doing it in the original key.
Telling the pitch(es) of a car horn or an alarm for the sake of being funny

And then actual musical things that make it useful.


Now, some of you who could potentially see the imaginary advantage of someone with this ability (imaginary, because it can easily be mimicked with ear training practice) may say "why are you complaining about having this?"

I'll tell you.

First off: I pretty much hate singing in groups. Now, that comment may make me seem pretentious, but when we sing a cappella pieces, they go out of tune, and it bothers me. I realize that not everyone is aware of this whole tuning thing, but it doesn't change the fact that I am. So sorry. Also, I know that I am a crappy singer, but I still have to do it, so if I am gonna do it, I might as well do it right.

While we're on the whole ear training/academic thing, it also messed me up in an odd way one time. I was in my music theory class, and we were doing analysis of a score, and the piece that I am reading and the recording were in 2 different keys, and even though we were doing form analysis, it made everything harder. Like, I could read the score and hear the cadences in the different keys and stuff, but in my mind, the two didn't come together like they usually would and it just made it harder to deal with.

Also, like I said earlier, it makes me look like an ass when I say "we didn't start in this key" when we get done singing, so it makes me look like a douchebag who thinks he's better than everyone else. Once again, I am not and don't mean it in that way. It's just the way I'm wired. And I think that people who view me in such a way are either jealous, or should just take the time to learn what it is that I am dealing with.

Third, I am not like, an instrument tuner or anything. The whole name "perfect pitch" just kinda sucks, because it implies something that it shouldn't, which is that people can hear things when they are exactly at A=440-442. Doesn't work that way. Now, I'm sure that such a skill could be developed after a while, but all it is, is the ability to hear pitches without a reference point, which would imply that one's sense of intonation would be pretty good if they had this ability. But, I play a bunch of instruments, and I don't play them perfectly in tune. (*gasp* my air of superiority is not so much now, is it?)

But the main reason for this post is as follows: I am writing this song, and in my mind, I hear a saxophone playing it, so I transpose the part when writing it down, because it saves time, whatever (That's the way I go about transcribing saxophone solos). So I get to this one line and I inadvertently write it in concert pitch, because the whole perfect pitch thing decides to butt in. I was annoyed, because this sort of thing has happened to me before, and it sucks.

Moral of the story - Perfect pitch sucks for a few reasons:

1) Singing in groups sucks
2) It makes the coolest people around come off as assholes
3) The name itself has a false meaning (to a certain extent)
4) It can get in the way

There are many other reasons for its suckiness, but I will spare you from any more of me complaining... for now.